Penny Dreadful : Lily

You don’t know, you don’t know.

There are some wounds that can never heal, some scars that make us who we are but without them we don’t exist.

I had, you see, a daughter. Love is too small a word for what I felt for my little girl. All words fail. Holding her was like feeling the sun from both sides.

We lived in this room, in Spitalfields. A hovel. I still had to whore or there’d be no food. I would lay her by the fire, pile the coal up high, it broke my heart to go.

One night it was so cold not even the whores were out, can you imagine?

She was crying when I left. They weren’t cries of teething, they were cries of loneliness. I cannot forget them.

I found a john, a rough bastard just crushing me against the bricks but I didn’t care, I wanted it over. When he finished he didn’t want to pay, he struck me, and I’ve been hit before but him, he knew how to aim. I felt the sting across my temple. I saw the world fall on its side. I can see myself lying there on the street, too weak to get up, not weak enough to die. Why didn’t I just get up? That was all I had to do, get up, get fucking up!

It was light when I woke. It had snowed, the whole world was white. I ran home. The fire was...the coal was dust. She was cold when I lifted her, cold as ice. She died alone.

Her name was Sarah. Please don’t take her away from me, please.